Recently, society has been using a shallow approach to deal with unfortunate events involving children and teenagers. All of these issues should be evaluate very seriuosly and determine their root cause. But instead of that we are doing some cherry-picking corrections. When an entire generation is portrayed as 'troublemakers' and 'criminals' the current situation is getting worse. All chances of reviving children are eliminated when we attempt to engage with them in a more hostile manner. We should understand that 'children are not our enemies'. Our system is also responsible for creating so much chaos and violence in children. Caregivers, from parenting to teaching, cannot shirk away from their responsibility. We have to put our hands together and correct it from the roots.
Not Only In Kerala, It Is A Global Scenario
This is not only in Kerala but across the World. This is a global issue that needs to be discussed. On September 5, 2024, four people, including two students, were killed in a school shooting in Georgia, America. The accused is a 8th class student of the same school. This student was coming to school with a gun that his father had gifted on birthday. Since then, there have been reports of students bringing guns to class at other schools in the United States.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 40% of global homicides occur between the ages of 15 and 29. Studies conducted in 40 developing countries show that 42 percent of boys and 37 percent of girls are subjected to physical bullying. The same age groups are the convicts. Therefore, the whole world should take the increasing criminal mentality among children and youth very seriously and find solutions. In this Modern World Evrything is accessible to our children. So these problems are outcome of that 'accessibility'. But unfortunately, irrespective of these facts, we are approaching it as a special 'phenomenon' seen only in Kerala or India.
Unhealthy Competition Spirit in Children
The unhealthy competitive spirit and alienation tendency is developing in children by parents and teachers. Even a child studying in LKG or UKG is facing same problem. They will be compared with other students by elders. This can lead to unhealthy competition among children. To get a clear picture of the unhealthy competition that parents and teachers create among children, it is enough to look at the school arts festivals in Kerala. When you compare your child with another child in the name of talent it can be lead to discrimination and as well as unhealthy competition spirit.
There are parents in this country who forbid even the friendship of their children in the name of caste and religion. I know a man who forbid his daughter from eating food brought by some of her classmates of a particular religion. Following her father's stern reprimand, the girl skipped lunch with some of her friends. There are lot of parents who are advising their children that 'don't get too close to that child', and 'don't join with that group' on the basis of social status and religion. In this way, parents eliminate the child's instinctive desire to accept friendships.
Parents Are In A Busy World
I know a six-year-old boy who is addicted to mobile phone. His parents complain that he needs a mobile phone while eating, sleeping and even to study. Once I got an opportunity to take care of that child. He was with me for about five or six hours. I started talking to him about his class, friends and teacher. He was very happy to tell every story. He talked about what he had learned in school and his friends. He was very enthusiastic to talk more and share all his interests. We talked about his favourite foods while eating. He never asked me to get mobile phone during these conversations. That means he is very much interested in talking. A child who wants to socialize could be very vibrant and active when he gets the opportunity to do so. If his / her surroundings are not giving the opportunity to socialize he/she could be more dull. It leads them to mental depression.
Children are generally good at socializing. When we talk to them, we have to grow into their 'childishness', they want it well. A large percentage of parents fail to do this, which negatively affects the mental development of children. Parents need to take their children more seriously. I'm usually a little obsessed with mobile phones. First of all, I consider this mobile phone addiction as one of the shortcomings that must be corrected when becoming a parent in the future. If we can't spend time with our children and listen to them patiently, we shouldn't take on the heavy responsibility of parenting. Quarrels between parents can also affect a child's mental health. Children always observe what is happening around them. Parents who are constantly fighting are pushing that child's future into 'darkness'.
Understand The Cultural Shift
We need to address these issues by understanding the cultural shift that is happening all over. The world of possibilities are huge infront of children, there are good and bad in it. It is the duty of all parents, teachers and caregivers to educate their children about what is needed and what is needless. We live in a culture where children are isolated. Even we can't define peer groups of children. Sometimes there is less possibility of such a peer group among current generation. At a time when society was more open, children had a large number of 'comfort spaces' like peer group, cultural clubs and different friend circles. But now a days children has only limited access of friends circle. When you completely destroy children's opportunities to celebrate friendships and to participate in groups, you are ruthlessly destroying their sense of community.
A society that makes children apolitical
Today's society has been shaped by politics. Politics is not just about supporting a political party. Politics means social awareness that includes all the people arround me. Those who are politically literate can only make social interventions and define a broader world that includes all categories of people. This political consciousness is being erased from children due to the interference of care givers. Parents, teachers and other care givers are trying to make children apolitical which leads to a narrow minded society!
Children are highly sensitive
Children are very emotional. They don't have the same emotional intelligence as adults. Therefore, we should be very careful about the each words and deeds which we express infront of children. They are very sensitive and observe what is happening around them. Parents, teachers and caregivers will influence them. Therefore, understand that children are not the only ones responsible for their mistakes. They will repeat what all things happening arround them. Just think, how much of a struggle does a child go through when he/she sees his father and mother fighting everyday? This affects the mental health of a child adversely. From this perspective, only we can discuss how movies and mobile games affect children.
Parents should be aware of what your children watch, what they hear, and what inspires them. Recently, a Malayalam film with an A-certificate which has high amount of violence and bloodshed was a huge success in theaters. There was a shocking news where an adult woman felt discomfort inside the theater after watching some scenes of this film. A few days ago, after the OTT release of this movie one image go viral in social media. A child who looks like one or two year old watching this film in mobile phone. Parents itself posted that photograph in instagram with proud. As I said earlier there are many scenes in this film which even makes discomfort an adult. At least until the end of lower primary education, parents should be able to monitor their children's health by being more attentive to what they watch, hear and enjoy.
Be A Authoritative Parent : What psychology says
In accordance with changing times, there needs to be a shift in the methods of discipline and training provided to children, says Dr. M. Tom Varghese, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the Government Medical College, Kozhikode. He emphasizes that children's opinions should be valued, their self-esteem nurtured, and a more effective parenting method should be adopted by society.
'From a psychological perspective, there are three types of parenting. The first is 'Authoritarian Parenting,' which is based on an older mindset. In this style, the typical approach is 'Listen to what I say, and don't question it.' Children's opinions are not given much value, and parents make all the decisions. If something goes wrong, children are immediately scolded or punished. After giving a punishment, parents will then ask, 'What's the matter?' This is a group-oriented approach to parenting. The second type is 'Permissive Parenting.' This is the opposite of the previously mentioned approach, and is commonly found among the newer generation of parents. It is a style that grants total freedom without considering what is right or wrong. In this approach, children are given what they ask for, without question. If children behave poorly or make mistakes, parents do not correct them. Both of these methods are harmful to children's growth,' Dr. Tom Varghese explained.
'The problem with Authoritarian Parenting is that children are not able to form their own opinions or make their own decisions. They only make decisions based on what their parents say. Not only are they unable to make decisions about the future, but they also struggle to develop their own identity. Children raised with this style may grow up to harbor resentment or hatred. This frustration may lead them to engage in antisocial activities or develop a dependence on substances. On the other hand, the issue with Permissive Parenting is that because parents tend to fulfill all the demands of their children, these children may grow up believing that the world will always cater to them. They may develop a false sense of self-confidence, believing they can achieve anything they desire. However, this will not always be the case, and when their expectations are not met, it can result in mental distress. These children are often less equipped to handle life's challenges. In the long run, they may struggle with depression or fall into substance abuse. Neither of these parenting methods is suitable for today's modern world.'
'What is needed instead is 'Authoritative Parenting,' which lies between Authoritarian Parenting and Permissive Parenting. This method combines the good sides of the two approaches. Instead of punishing a child immediately for making a mistake or refraining from punishment altogether, the parent should first talk to the child about the issue. Ask questions such as 'Why did you do this?' or 'Can you say what is the good way to deal with it?' like that. By understanding the child's perspective, the parent can correct the behavior and provide an appropriate, constructive punishment. The child needs to understand on their own that their actions were wrong. Instead of forcing a child to do something with sheer willpower, the parent should be open to discussing the matter and hearing the child's opinions. Not only parents but also other elders in the household should adopt this approach. When children understand why a rule is in place or why they are being disciplined, the impact of the discipline will be stronger. When children are given space and listened to, they develop self-esteem. According to psychological research, Authoritative Parenting is found to yield better outcomes,' he added.
Children moving 'from box to box': CM's speech
The speech delivered by Kerala Chief Minister Pinarayi Vijayan in the Legislative Assembly, when discussing issues related to children, was very much meaningful. He emphasized that children seem to be living in a 'box' and that society must be ready to change as a whole. A relevant excerpt from the Chief Minister's speech is as follows:
'Every place is like a box. A room in the house is a box, the school bus is another box, and when you get off, the classroom is yet another box. Children's childhood is being confined within such boundaries. The focus is entirely on education. There is no time for children to play, to live in the age meant for play and growth. From a very young age, children are pressured to learn a great deal, and the society is obsessed with pushing them into learning without respite. This thinking is leading to the loss of a child's childhood. The child's mind is shaped in a specific manner—a closed mind, where everything is about learning, and beyond that, nothing else matters. This is what we generally observe today. When children return home after the day's activities, there may be no one to share their joys or sorrows with. In some homes, even the parents have no time to speak to each other. Each person lives in their own private world. Sometimes it may be a TV serial, or they may be engrossed in their phones. For the child, this situation feels like a kind of abandonment—an emotional neglect. It is essential for parents to realize how they must become better caregivers and what they can do for their children. This awareness needs to be spread throughout society,' said the Chief Minister.